Local dad disappointed to find son grilling with gas instead of charcoal

July 1, 2017

It was supposed to be a chance to bond when Cleveland native Mark Benson visited his son Dylan at Ohio State University. Instead, Benson was crushed to find the 19-year-old had gone in with his two roommates on purchasing a gas grill.

“I thought I taught the boy better,” said Benson, dismayed. “Why the hell am I paying for a college education if the kid doesn’t even have enough sense to grill with charcoal? Who knows what the hell these burgers are gonna taste like.”

Dylan tried to explain that his friends told him grilling with gas was just as good as charcoal — and easier too. That only angered the elder Benson.

“Oh I guess if they jumped off a cliff, you’d jump too, huh?” he said, shaking his head at the situation. “You know your mom said you were ready to go away to school instead of the local community college, but now I’m not so sure. Cooking with gas. Drinking some fancy ‘triple IPA’ beer. Have you even changed your car’s oil since you left home?”

Upon learning his son had taken the car to a local quick lube place instead of performing the maintenance himself, Benson nearly up and drove home on the spot. Instead, he calmly sat down on the couch and watched four straight hours of sports in complete silence as Dylan and his roommates ate the hot dogs and burgers like nothing at all was wrong with them. Benson himself forced down three burgers, but grimaced through every bite.

Posted in Satire