Local Dad Blames Every Traffic Jam On “Rubber-Neckers”

November 1, 2018

After finding himself stuck in slow-moving traffic last Tuesday, local dad Jonathan Kresge cursed out loud and blamed the “dang rubber-neckers” that he felt were responsible for the delay. This marked the 1,000th consecutive time Kreske has blamed people slowing down to see an accident as the reason behind a traffic jam, despite the fact that this has only accounted for a handful of slow-downs throughout his life.

“You know, it’s just these people who are slowing down to see what the commotion is about, and they’re slowing things down for all of us,” Kresge said to explain why traffic was at a near standstill. “These dang rubber-neckers gotta learn how to drive, let me tell you.”

When traffic eventually cleared up, Kresge was later seen slightly slowing down in order to read a billboard a little more clearly.