Dad Buys Fireworks From “Don’t Worry About It, I Know A Guy”

July 1, 2020

With the Fourth of July just around the corner, local dad and pyrotechnics aficionado Robert Francis has purchased an impressive array of fireworks from a “reputable” seller who Francis has identified as, “Don’t worry about it, I know a guy.”

Francis, who lives in Illinois, which highly regulates the sale of fireworks, but also borders Indiana, which does not, has made a point not to flat-out say his fireworks are illegal, but has referred to them as, “Hard to find. Wink.”

This would not be the first time that Francis had made an impression on his neighbors with his fireworks display, as just last year he used a device called “The Atom Smasher” which was so loud it set off car alarms in a three block radius. When asked if his “guy” this year is the same supplier responsible, Francis just smiled and said, “A dad never reveals his sources.”