New Study Confirms Money Does Not Grow On Trees

December 10, 2020

Dads across the country have been vindicated by a new scientific study finding no evidence of money growing on trees or shrubbery of any kind.

“We’ve been saying it for years, but did our kids listen?” asked local dad Peter Benton. “Of course they didn’t. Well, now everybody knows what we’ve known all along: money doesn’t grow on trees. They’ll just have to find other ways to buy their CD players or whatever it is kids want these days.”

According to the research, in addition to money not being linked to tree growth, not a single male human above the age of 30 was found to be “made of money,” supporting another claim made by dads who don’t want to shell out cash every time their kid or spouse asks for it.

“This is a great day to be a father,” proclaimed Benton.