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Local Man Will Only Eat Lettuce If It’s On A Burger

  • February 23, 2020

According to multiple sources, Chicago resident Craig Smothers refuses to eat lettuce, or any vegetable, with one caveat—if it is a topping on a juicy burger. Smothers, who describes his diet as, “Probably fine?” goes out of his way to avoid vegetables in all instances, though he has decided that he finds the crunch of a piece of lettuce acceptable when accompanied by a meat patty.

“Yeah, I just don’t do vegetables,” Smothers stated. “I can’t remember the last time I ate a full salad.”

“Vegetables just aren’t my jam, but I guess I can deal with some lettuce, if you put it on a burger at least.”

When asked about his meat-heavy diet, Smothers’ doctor simply lowered his eyes and sadly began shaking his head.


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