Man Prepares To Use Exercise Bike For Only Time This Year

January 1, 2020

39-year-old Ted Barnes recently disappeared into the basement to spend 17 minutes on the exercise bike in his only attempt to get in better shape for the next 12 months.

“I figure I’ll ride the bike 20, maybe 30 minutes every other day,” said Barnes, overestimating how many times he will exercise by about every single other day.

“It shouldn’t be too hard. I used to be in great shape,” he added, referring to the fact that in college, about 20 years ago, he was in reasonably good health.

Barnes’ wife Susan said this was an annual occurrence.

“Every year he says he’s going to get ‘back’ in shape,” she said. “I guess he means like back when he was in high school? Ever since I’ve known him, he’s had a dad bod. And I knew him well before he was a dad. Maybe I’m being too hard on him. Maybe this year he’ll give the bike two or three weeks before he gives up on it. I doubt it, though.”