Allen Wrench Voted Best Tool In Box For 5th Straight Year

July 23, 2019

It was a close call this year, but once again the Allen wrench came away with the win as the best tool in local man Frank Walker’s toolbox.

“Yep, it was a tough one,” Walker said, whimsically recalling the heated race. “Taking down the shelves in the shed was tough with all those stripped screws and the needle-nosed pliers pulled ahead for a while, but the good ol’ Allen wrench has taken the cake in the end once again.”

Critics have been quick to decry the decision as favoritism, but Walker has remained steadfast in the face of such accusations. Others, like neighbor and oft borrower of said wrench, Paul Thomson, have rushed to the winner’s defense.

“It’s not always going to be easy,” Thomson told reporters after the decision came out. “Every tool has a special place and time every year, but the Allen wrench has simply proven itself time and again to be the undisputed victor.”

Walker later admitted that the tie-breaking call came after he realized the Kobalt 9-key Standard Allen wrench also doubled as a decent bottle opener.