As the seemingly random feud between pop music pretty-boy, Justin Bieber, and diminutive action hero, Tom Cruise, reached a fever pitch last Wednesday, local father Ben Stumper was reported saying he was pretty sure he could take Bieber in the ring.
“That little guy’s got nothing, even I could take him,” the 39-year-old IT specialist said of the singer to nobody in particular. “Cruise, now that guy you gotta watch out for. He might not have the reach, but he does all his own stunts and that’s a big deal.”
The vague insinuation turned into fantasy very quickly, however, as Stumper then began to describe exactly how he would go about the beating.
“I’m a big guy. I could just reach out and get him in one of those Muy Tai holds, then the knee and bam! Lights out.”
8-year-old daughter, Heidi, reportedly then bawled at her father, “Daddy, please don’t hurt Justin.” To which he replied, “It’s ok, sweety, they’ll never let him go through with it.”
Stumper’s mildly concerned wife reported a slight smirk appearing on her husband’s face as he sipped an IPA later that day, most likely imagining the scenario once again.