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Doctor Confirms “Rubbing Dirt On It” Cures Just About Everything

  • September 18, 2018

From a skinned knee to a compound fracture of the tibia, Dr. Frank Benton is here to confirm that the best way to get rid of that injury is to rub some dirt on it.

“Ideally, you want the nice, dry dirt you can find in local parks or even your backyard garden,” Benton advised. “Just grab yourself a handful and rub it liberally over the owie, wound or cancerous tumor. After a few minutes, you’ll be good as new!”

Benton, a father of three himself, has vindicated many fathers who have told their kids to rub dirt on all sorts of injuries.

“It’s nice to hear a doctor who really gets it,” said Mark Anderson, who recently treated his son’s sprained ankle by just caking it with dirt and patting the kid on the back. “Who needs fancy new remedies when old school dirt gets it done.”


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