Hipster Dad Puts Kale On Son’s Turkey Sandwich

August 27, 2018

Mark Benton of Austin, Texas recently made his 7-year-old son Bobby a “turkey sandwich with cranberry reduction and grilled kale,” hoping to spark his youngster to the “mysteries and wonders of non-lettuce greens.”

According to the boy, who traded the sandwich for five Cheetos and half a bologna sandwich at lunch, it was worse than the time his dad sent him to school with a can of tomato soup and lentils to mix with raw beans inside a measured beaker his father placed inside his lunchbox.

“Gross,” said the girl he traded it to. “You said this was lettuce!”

Benton, who sports a handlebar mustache and restores old Schwinn bikes in his spare time, has since lost sandwich-making privileges after his wife found out about the incident.

“He’s 42!” she said. “I don’t care if he listens to Arctic Monkeys and Modest Mouse on vinyl all night long in the garage while he paints rusty old tricycles, he doesn’t need to turn his son into a pretentious hipster, too.”