Dad Shatters World Record, Completes Trip To Hardware Store In 3 Hours

April 18, 2018

Shattering the previous world record by nearly two full hours, 48-year-old father-of-three Johnathan Fielder shocked dads everywhere by completing a trip to the hardware store in only three hours. Fielder’s shopping expedition, which involved $70 of purchases and an hour and a half of “talking shop” with the cashier, shocked many, especially his wife Karen.

“When John said he was going to the hardware store at noon, I figured he’d be back at seven, maybe eight o’clock to get some dinner,” Fielder’s wife told reporters. “So when he came back just three hours later, I couldn’t believe it. I asked him if the store closed early or something, and he just said he ‘only needed a few things, that’s all.’ Needless to say, I was stunned.”

Fielder’s impressive hardware store run lasted exactly three hours and seven minutes, well ahead of the mark of five hours and thirteen minutes set by Stan “The Speed Shopper” Harding back in 1973. Fielder himself attributes his speed to focus, mental preparations, and the fact that the new guy who could stand to be a bit friendlier was working instead of Fielder’s buddy Jim.