Family Braces Itself As Local Dad Buys A St. Paddy’s Day Costume

March 8, 2018

Despite promising “not to get too crazy” during St. Patrick’s Day this year, local father-of-three Richard Benson has come home with a brand new, outlandish St. Paddy’s day costume, much to his family’s dismay.

“It’s really bad,” reports 14-year-old daughter Hailee. “Like, there’s a green top hat, and a green vest, and a green tie, and there are just shamrocks everywhere.”

According to Benson’s wife, Amanda, this is “probably the most I’ve ever seen him spend for St. Patrick’s Day,” adding that between the costume and the “multiple cases of Hamm’s” he brought back from the grocery store, the family is anticipating a recurrence of the infamous St. Patrick’s Day of 2009, which ended with Benson drunkenly passed out in his reclining chair watching recorded Notre Dame football games by 4PM in the afternoon.

When asked how he planned on spending the holiday, Johnson, who is exactly 12.5% Irish, replied by saying, “Oh, you know, nothing crazy. Might toss back a few beers, and I’ve got a bit of a ‘fun’ costume I might try out, the boys are coming by for shots, so I got a few cases of beer and bottles of Jim Beam for the three of us. But, uh, if the wife asks, tell her I don’t anticipate it getting too out of hand. And don’t mention the Jim Beam.”