Fire Department On Standby As Dad Attempts To Bake Something

February 12, 2018

The Bradenton, Florida fire department has been placed on high alert after an anonymous phone call informed them that Andrew Quiggley, a local 49-year-old father, was going to try to bake something to impress his wife in celebration of their 20-year anniversary.

Bradenton fire chief Arthur Sprint confirmed that the department was on high alert, adding, “We have reason to believe that a local father is going to attempt to bake banana bread. With this knowledge at our disposal, we are taking every step to make sure the situation stays contained if, or rather when, a fire breaks out at said residence.”

Spring continued by adding a word of caution to all other fathers out there with similar baking notions.

“We as always recommend that dads keep their culinary expenditures to outdoor grilling, or unsuccessfully trying to recreate dishes they saw on the Food Network show Chopped. If any fathers want to try their hand at baking, please make sure to call your local fire department first, and keep a fire extinguisher with you at all times in order to prevent any potential future tragedy.”

When told about the precautions being taken by the authorities, Quiggley scoffed and said, “Oh come on now, that’s not really necessary. I know exactly what I’m…oh crap, where’s that smoke coming from!?”