Neighbor’s Dying Lawn Really Trying Man’s Patience

January 12, 2018

“That lawn is an abomination,” Wisconsin father of four Steve Berton recently said aloud to nobody in particular as he looked over the fence at his neighbor’s yard. “I don’t care if it’s the middle of winter, that grass really pisses me off.”

Berton, a self-proclaimed lawn expert, “had a good mind to go over there and tell Roger what’s what,” he told his wife as she entered the kitchen.

“You would think a man would have some kind of pride in his property,” said Berton, shaking his head. “He might as well just put out a sign on the lawn that says he’s given up. Oh wait, that yard is basically loose dirt and squirrel droppings at this point. You couldn’t possibly plant a sign in that mess without it falling over.”

Berton’s wife, who has heard this complaint many times before, tried to calm her husband down.

“Maybe you should cool it on the second cup of morning coffee from now,” she suggested.

After taking a long sip from his mug, Berton narrowed his eyes. “Caffeine is not the problem here. You know what? I think he’s doing this on purpose to get back at me for the time I told him I could get him a discount on mulch at Home Depot. Hell, I’d pay for it entirely!”

“That poor grass,” he added with a sigh. “Those short, brownish blades are the real victims.”