Dad Declares He Won’t Shave Until His Team Makes Playoffs

September 13, 2017

Undeterred by the fact his favorite NFL team has not won a playoff game in over 20 years, Midwest native Fred Wilson is declaring to anyone in earshot that he will not shave until they win one.

“They had a strong draft and I feel confident they can win this season, but I think my added support will push them over the top,” Wilson explained to a local gas station attendant who had only asked which pump he was using.

Wilson’s family is concerned, as this is similar to the “jersey” situation of several years earlier.

“Fred wore his college’s jersey every day until they won a bowl game. It took two years,” his wife Sharon explained. “He almost lost his job, but then he bought larger dress shirts and started wearing the jersey underneath.” Sharon would wait until Fred fell asleep to wash the jersey, which caused many arguments because, according to Fred, she washed away the “good juju,” delaying his team’s success even more.

“I think as fans, we need to do more. I only wish I had started this sooner,” Wilson said before he handed over his payment and coupon to the fast food drive thru employee. “This is really starting to itch,” Wilson stated expecting but not receiving praise for his sacrifice.

Wilson’s wife and kids are wondering, but afraid to ask, if this also means he will not wash his beard. They don’t want to give him any ideas. When Wilson’s team lost their star receiver to an ACL injury in the preseason, Sharon Wilson added Febreeze to her grocery list “just in case.”