Dad Launches Formal Investigation Into Who Touched Thermostat

July 5, 2017

Citing his status as “the one who pays the bills around here,” Texas father-of-three Mike Benson recently launched a formal investigation into who adjusted the thermostat from 72 to 68 while he was at work.

“I was at the job site today and something just felt off,” said Benson. “It was like a disturbance in the force. Sure enough, I get home and the air conditioning is blasting.”

Benson, who has made it clear to his family numerous times that they should not touch the thermostat, began the interrogations with his 5-year-old son Billy.

“Are you sure you didn’t maybe play with the dial while daddy was gone?” he asked. “No? Okay. But you know what else is also okay? Telling dad if you saw your big brother or sister changing the temperature thing. Did you see them do it? Or maybe it was mom?”

After getting nowhere with the first grader, Benson gathered the family in the kitchen and told them “to settle in, because this could take a while.” He then proceeded to record notes as he questioned each of the family members in turn, all of whom denied responsibility. At one point, Benson looked at his family and accused them of being involved in a “conspiracy.”

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