52-year-old John Friedmont has informed reporters he plans to blow away his neighbors by showing up to a nearby barbecue wearing his “formal” cargo shorts.
“Check these babies out,” Friedmont said, holding up a par of dark khaki shorts. “This is premium stuff here. Most of my shorts are beige, but these fellers are full-on tan. Heck, they’re practically dark brown! And see these? That’s right, no velcro here, buttons, nice ones too. And you just gotta feel the pocket fabric — it’s like silk. Yessir, these babies are sure going to turn a few heads.”
According to Friedmont’s wife, this is not the first time he has “rocked out” the “fancy” garment. “Yeah, he wore it to a summer work outing last year, and spent the whole day fishing for compliments about it. It was pretty annoying, to be honest. I might stay home for this barbecue, just in case.”
As of press time, Friedmont believes he is going to go with a “cool, snakeskin” belt to go with the cargo shorts, but could be persuaded to wear the belt he uses for all of his suits.