Dads love football, but it’s fair to say they have a pretty complicated relationship with touchdown celebrations that happen during football games.
As much as you might think it’s awesome when OBJ does his best Dancing With the Stars audition in response to a particularly pretty touchdown, most dads find themselves shouting at the TV to “quit your showboating” when they see a TD celebration getting, in their words, “out of hand.”
So when your dad scores a touchdown in his local flag football game, or against the family in a backyard touch game, there are a limited amount of dad-approved celebrations he can do. Here, we present you with that list.
Just place the football on the ground, nod your head once, and gear up for the next possession. Most dads do this because it comes off as stoic.
He’s not gonna make a big thing out of it, you know. Not gonna milk it. No showboating. Just, score a touchdown, get down on one knee, “give your thanks to the Lord” and get on with the game.
This will often be followed by your dad asking, sincerely, why Tim Tebow isn’t playing in the NFL anymore. “He had a winning record as a starter!”
If your dad still goes to the gym religiously, there’s a chance he’ll go the spike route.
This is less of a celebration and more of a “there’s a break in play, and dad wanted to sneak another beer in, totally forgetting that he’s still holding onto the ball” thing.
If there’s another dad, or a close Dad Friend, he might go up and try for the celebratory chest bump. It has a roughly 0.00% chance of not looking awkward as hell. Afterwards, your dad will puff out his chest and say, “Yeah! Nailed it.”
“See there? That’s how you score a touchdown, the old fashioned way. The right way. No ‘juking’ or ‘jiving’ no sir, just running straight with the ball, daring the defense to make a play. A manly touchdown. Brings me back to my high school days. Did I tell you how I was the starting running back for the State Champs?”
*opposing team scores on the kickoff as he absentmindedly keeps telling story*
It will take dad at least three times to get his high five to connect soundly enough to meet his standards. It’s almost guaranteed that after the second awkward miss he’ll say something like “okay, just, look at the elbows while doing it, just look at my elbow.”
“There aren’t any holes in football, Dad, GAWD.”
If it looked like you were going to win until a last minute touchdown by Dad, oh yes, he will taunt you. He will be ruthless.
He won’t let up until your younger brother starts crying and he apologizes and says, “You know, let’s just call the game here and go inside” even though you both know he just did that to make sure you couldn’t come back and win the game in the last second.