It’s generally assumed that dads like to grill because it gives them a chance to be in charge of something where that particular something happens to be “grillin’ meats.”
And sure, that’s likely most of it.
But we here at Classic Dad posit that, on some level, dads are drawn to the grill because it affords them the chic dad fashion of an apron with the ability to put a groan-worthy dad joke on said apron.
Here are some aprons you can purchase that’ll prove our point.
New dads take dadding to dizzying heights extremely quickly. It’s a lot like puberty, but for the soul.
Every single man spends their formative years insisting, “No way am I settling down and having a kid, ANOTHER ROUND OF SHOTS.” Then, assuming there’s not some horrible Knocked Up sort of situation, they settle down and get married.
But even though they don’t hang with the boys as much, they’re still not that different from their single days. However, once you put a baby in their lap? Oh, they go nuts with it. Their body and mind morph into full-dad, and they want to let the whole world know that “Thank you, Karen, I’m Jim and I’ll be your customer today.”
And at that moment of metamorphosis, they will find themselves clad in this diaper changing shield apron. This is as it has been for untold millennia, and so it will continue forever and ever.
Dads with daughters love two things: their daughters, and terrifying any boy who comes close to touching them in a sexual manner. The dads who wear this apron to cookouts 100% invited their 14-year-old daughter’s new boyfriend to the grill out just to see the pure terror in their face.
Yes, the dad will slap the boy (a bit too hard) on the back and say, “Ah, calm down there Brayden, it’s just a joke,” but his eyes will flicker like a snake’s when he does it.
*squirts lighter fluid on grill*
*leans back as flames jut out*
“Woah-hoah, looks like the apron was right, honey!”
The difference between college and dadhood is that your clothing asking random people to kiss you have less arrows pointed towards your genitals and more puns that are supposed to be met with a dry kiss on the cheek.
Eww dad, now you’re just being gross. I’ll take my hamburger and hot dog inside, thank you very much.
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