After several years of adding food scraps, lawn trimmings, and various debris from yard work, local residents have reported that the mulch pile of William Earnest, a 45-year-old father-of-three, is officially starting to get a bit out of hand.
“At first, you know, we appreciated it from an environmental perspective,” one neighbor said. “But, man, it’s really taken on a life of its own. The smell is, well, overpowering. I don’t even know what he’d need that much mulch for, even.”
Earnest, who just yesterday was seen adding what appeared to be a milk jug filled with bacon grease to the pile, has downplayed any concerns about his compost pile, telling reporters, “Listen, just look at how healthy my lawn is. Clearly this is some good mulch. Can’t put a price on really good mulch.”