It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. This patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.
Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Dad is THE super hero behind the steering wheel.
Late for school or the dentist?
Thinking of hopping behind the wheel and risking a speeding ticket?
Flash the Dad Signal instead and let dad chauffeur you in the Dad Mobile. Da-da-da-da-da-da Dad-Man! He’ll not only get you there a little early but there will be time for a quick run through a drive-thru. BAM! WHAP!
All those car commercials that feature stunts that require the legal disclaimer “professional driver, closed course?” Dad is the fast and furious professional driver. He’s not thrown off when in Europe driving on the wrong side of the road. He can safely drive barefoot/shirtless. He don’t need no stinkin’ driving gloves. When he took driver’s ed in high school he was giving the instructor pointers, having taught himself to drive in a vacant parking lot when he was 13.
Just make sure you buckle your seat belt, as always, safety first. And don’t be a smart aleck in the back seat — he will stop the car mister!
Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – IF we ever get flying cars, you know dad will be the designer. He’ll also be the best at parking them.
2 – Dad has “Dad Sense.” Like Spider-Man’s “Spidey Sense,” it goes off when a mechanic tries to pull a fast one on a car repair estimate.
3 – If dad’s driving, the car doesn’t need snow tires. Dad is the all-wheel, all-weather, all-conditions king of the road.
4 – Career races won: Dale Earnhardt Sr. – 76. Good for nothing son Dale Jr. – 26.
5 – Dad can drive safely while eating any fast food combo meal without getting a single crumb on the seat or spilling a single drop of his beverage.